Renesmee's Diary: Guide to Being An Imprintee
by Lyrei
Summary: Being caught between duty to your imprinted and tenderness to your heart's intended is not pleasant. Renesmee Cullen can attest to that. Undergoing a serious rewrite.
1. Rule1:The imprintee should get to choose

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**If you came here looking for Enemies of the Cullen, beware!, there'll be a new chapter out soon. So shush. **

* * *

Hey there.

I'm Reneesme Carlie Cullen (My mom was drunk on blood when she named me. Yay for normality.) and I'm 17 years old. I think. Literally, I'm 8 years old, but don't remind dad of that fact. He's overprotective enough as he is. Jeez, I wonder how mom managed to stand him for all these years. … Alice just shouted out the answer. Something that I shouldn't repeat, but I _will _mention that it's just added onto my steadily growing list of teenage awkward sexual trauma.

I live with my numerous aunts, uncles and grandparents, plus some guy who's staying with us for a while. Oh, and that dude who happened to imprint on me when I was born, which means he'll love me for the rest of my life which gives him automatic custody to me.

…

Oh god, I feel awful just typing it out.

The reason I'm bothering is because of the stupid, stupid English homework assignment. And I thought that while I was typing out my boring, fake normal diary, I could as well type out the real story of my life. Which is pretty damn interesting, considering I'm living with nine vampires and a werewolf. Oh, and am a half-vampy myself. Did I mention the werewolf-imprinting-on-half-vamp bit?

So, yeah.

My family is really, _really _complicated.

I don't even know where to start, so I'll just explain as I go along. And it's kind of weird, telling myself who I live with and who's married to who. At least it isn't all Midsummer Night's Dream-esque. Heh.

Let's just start with a basic introduction, in case I knock my head really hard against the table (in which case the table would be reduced to splinters, but anyway) and get amnesia or something and forget everything about my family.

The love of my life is supposed to be Jacob Black. He's the aforementioned werewolf who imprinted on me and all that. It's probably easy for him, being an imprinter. He _knows _he loves me for life (and I'm seriously flattered) and doesn't love anyone else.

But what about _me_? Can't I decide whether I love him or not? Or do I have to, like, love him because he loves me more than anything else? There should be a guideline for these kind of things. If I wrote one, I'd make the first rule: The imprint-ee gets to choose whether to love the imprinter or not. The imprintee is not automatically 'possessed' by the imprinter. Because that is totally unfair.

I mean, I want to make my own choices in life. I'm _eight years old_. Admittedly, it isn't all that impressive (Who the hell am I kidding?!) but I should get a choice anyway.

The second rule would be: The imprint-ee's family should have no say in the matter whatsoever. Even if the family approves of the imprinter and his/her intentions, the imprintee gets final say. Because after all, it _is _his/her life.

Really, all this imprinter and imprintee is seriously confusing. Maybe I _should _write a guide to help all those other clueless idiots being ravaged by big hairy werewolves. (He hee… I really hope Jake doesn't see this, or he'll kill me.)

…

Uncle Emmett just stormed into the room, asking me where his blue pre-schoolish socks were. When I asked him why, he told me that Auntie Rose gets turned on by them when they're in a complete uniform with his pre-school roleplay kit.

Believe me, I am trying to _scrub _the image from my mind. But when you live in a house where everybody has regular sex, you get these kind of things happening.

I wonder if Jake thinks about it. Having sex, I mean. If he does, I don't want to know. It's just so wrong on too many levels. He was in love with my _mom _for God's sake- and I don't think…

I can't bring myself to type it out. I'll try though. If I can type it out on a Microsoft Word document, I can damn well believe it and make my own decisions.

I don't lokjdkasljdalkwijqqow

… I'm getting more pathetic by the day. My family doesn't know _ANYTHING _about what I really feel. That's cause I learnt how to flip my shield thing. It's pretty awesome- Uncle Jasper can't influence me or feel my emotions, dad can't read my mind, and Aunt Alice already can't see me or Jake.

So no one in my house knows, to be honest. And I will make it **stay that way. **Even if I don't like Jake in, err, _that way_, doesn't mean I'm just going to shout it out to the world.

Instead, I'll just type it out on a word processor, which is so much better.

…

Right.

Oops, dad just came in. He said grandma Esme asked if I wanted blood ice cream. I love blood ice cream, it is the _bestest _thing in the world. I love it so much, I can eat it everyday for breakfast, lunch and di-

Sorry. I'm going all vampire-y. Not that vampireness isn't bad, in fact, it's pretty great. I just wished I was a _full _vampire, then Jake wouldn't have imprinted on the human part of me.

But sheesh, it's kind of annoying being an imprintee. Jake follows me around _all the freaking time. _Some people call it devotion. I call it stalker tendencies. He also makes all my decisions for me (like my dad) and I seriously _hate _that. He can't order me around! Call it teenage rebellion, but I detest people who do that. WHO THE HECK DOES HE THINK HE IS? HUH, HUH, HUH?!

…

Awkward.

But I think it's unfair on me. Sure, I get someone who loves me for the rest of my life (which is what everyone wants) but… Shouldn't I get some say in this as well? What if… well.

What if…

I didn't love him back?

I, Reneesme Carlie Cullen, don't love Jacob Black in anything other than an annoying best friend way. I _**don't **_want to _do _him, marry him, be his girlfriend and I don't like him growling at any guy that looks at me, other than my dad. And my uncles. And my granddad. I don't like him looking (read: staring) at me _all the time_, I hate it when he follows me around, I hate it when he climbs into my room through the window and thinks he's doing me a favour.

I'm a _**HALF **_vampire. I need my freaking sleep. I **will **get eye bags and be cranky when I don't get my sleep.

I hate it when he swoops up and hugs me from behind, and I hate the way his arms circle around my waist in a _way too suggestive _way, and I hate how vulnerable he makes me feel when he does that. I hate it when he protects me from every single freakin' _deer _that comes across my path, just 'cause they're bigger than I am. (Read: What part of almost indestructible does he not understand?!)

I hate it when he talks about the 'future' and how he's going to marry me and bring me back to Forks with him. I hate it when he talks about Forks, period. I hate it when he talks about marriage, and I hate the way he entwines our fingers, just because he can.

I hate it when I can't make my own decisions, and I hate the way everyone in my family just assumes that I'll love him madly because his love for me surpasses the heat of a thousand frickin' suns.

And I hate the way that he doesn't let me talk to the one that actually makes my heart flutter and my mouth dry up. He just growls and pulls me away, saying he's a threat and such.

There.

I said it.

Read it and weep.

I don't love_love _Jake.

I love someone else.

A vampire, if you must know.

So there.

And I'm going to get my blood ice cream now (blood ice cream, blood ice cream, lovelovelove.) and I'm just going to be happy that I've got it off my chest. (On a Microsoft word document, but still! I gotta start _somewhere._) And I'm not going to say anything when Jake kisses my cheeks (or my lips) and I'm not going to glare at my family when they coo (excluding my dad) and when they think about 'our' future together (excluding me).

…

Alice just burst into my room (what is with everyone doing that?!) and asked me if yellow looked fat on her. Apparently Emmett said so. I told her that Emmett was a stupid-head and that yellow looked simply _fabulous _on her. She hugged me, gave me a lollipop (yellow, pretty much _made out _of food additives) and rushed out of the room. Ten seconds later, Jasper calmly walked into the room and took the lollipop out of my hand, shaking his head as he walked calmly back out, taking the lollipop with him.

Welcome to a normal life in the dysfunctional family that is Cullen.

Yay.

(P.S, I am not going to delete anything I type, even if it's really mean. Because it's just my thoughts, and I can't help it if they're mean.)

* * *

Anyone out there who thinks the Jake & Nessie pairing is just so convenient and a two-way love (at freaking first sight?!), Nessie would like a word with you.


	2. Rule2: Personal space

It's Nessers again.

Finished talking about my family in my fake journal (did I mention we had to write in it _daily_?) and now back to this one. This one's way more fun anyway. If typing random thoughts onto a word document can be classified as fun, that is.

…

I am a sad, _sad _person.

Back to normal stuff. OH WAIT. There _are _no normal stuff. Today I yelled at Jake. It was partly his fault, but I still feel bad. I mean, how would _you _like it if someone stopped you from talking to your friends, even _having _friends, talking to the one you lov-

Okay, I'm not going to go into that.

So today, I had the _rare _chance of actually sitting with people I could actually call friends. This was the day where _no one_, not even dad, could mess with. I smiled, I made conversation, I socialised and tried to make the Cullen image less scary. However, a certain _Jacob Black _decided that he could mess with _my _schedule and walked over and plucked me from my delightful circle of friends. After he _finally _let go of me, I immediately asked him _why the hell _did he do what he just did.

And guess what?

He simply replied with a: Oh, Nessykins (or something like that. I **hatehatehate **the stupid mushy nicknames he gives me! HATE, I SAY. HATE!) my darling my all, (Cheesy, much?!) I thought we could spend some alone time together.

Believe me, I did _not _want to have (air quote) _alone time _(end air quote) with Jake. That'd be like… Like screwing around with your best friend. Which was exactly what he was doing, by the way. Being lost for words, I decided to get angry.

COISJKDPASKS;ADASKJ DNQSO238729

That's me taking out my anger on the keyboard, by the way. It's strangely satisfying. Keyboard therapy. Heh heh.

JIDSKAPOPDA[PE9239EQOAL

…

I'm going crazy, aren't I?

And uh… IkindofaccidentallypunchedJakeintheface.

…

I'll leave this for a second to re-digest this (oh god, re-digest? I _**am **_going crazy. I'm officially the first half-vampire to go nutty. Three cheers for me?) piece of information.

…

I'm a bad person.

Wait, my mom's comi-

Okay, back. Like I so eloquently put above, my mom just came in. Then she told me the _awesomest _real-life-story ever. She said she punched Jake in the face as well for kissing her and broke her hand. Then she ruffled my hair and told me not to punch Jake, (OH, SO I WASN'T EVEN ALLOWED TO HIT HIM NOW!) because he was unhappy. And 'cause he imprinted on me and all, the pain just magnified a thousand fold. I can't imagine momma having a broken hand though- she's always so… so… _indestructible._ Oh, way to state the obvious, Ness. But… yeah.

If I punched Jake in the face for every time he kissed me… Let's just say if he still possessed a face, it wouldn't be pretty.

I don't like it when Jake just kisses me like that, or when he just holds my hand. We never even went through the whole dating thing. Y'know, the whole bring-a-girl-to-a-fancy-restaurant thing, or the movie thing. Nope, nada. I feel… cheated. Yep, _cheated. _He didn't even try to _work _for my to love him. I know I loved him when I was younger (read: less than a year old) but… it's changed.

And I think I'm crying real tears again (I haven't cried for _ages_, but that story's for another time) 'Cause I don't love Jake, and he's irreversibly in love with me. Plus I'm madly in love with another guy, who I think _might _just like me back.

A tiny bit.

Well, he kissed me behind the forest where we hunted (Jake was chasing a herd of deer our way, so yeah) and told me that he didn't care that I was the possession of a dirty dog.

Hey, I take _**great **_offense at the term 'possession' when it's used on me. And even though I don't love Jake in _that way_, he's still my best friend and I care for him. I told _him _as much.

But he smiled and ruffled my hair, apologising and laughing. Then he told me that Jake was heading our way and took off.

Oh god, I think I _love _him.

More than just like.

Love is so god damn confusing, you know that? And I'm scared, so scared I could cry. And I'm not even joking. I'm feeling so insecure right now, so terrified just because of the fact that I don't know what the hell is going on within me.

Does he really like me, or is he just pulling me along? 'Cause if he is, I'd like to know. And I'll stop loving before it's too late. I swear to God, if he is, I will tear him apart, then break down and cry and put him back together. Because I like him too much. I've always liked him too much.

And now I have to suffer for it.

There are so many questions and I don't know any of the answers. All I can do is love blindly, hoping that somewhere along the way that his love can reach out to me as well. Otherwise I'll just be there, loving a dream while there's a wall that blocks me from him.

_Wow._

I'm deep.

...

What is _happening _to me? I'm supposed to love _Jake, _not my dark dashing vampire. Hey, this is like what happened to my mom. Except that Jake actually _imprinted _on me.

I **HATE **this feeling. Why do I feel so… so… _obligated _to love him? He's my best friend after all, I don't want to see him hurt. And…

OH MY GOD I _AM _TURNING INTO MY MOM!

But if _he _calls me his 'fluffy little lumpkin', I will tear him to pieces. I can and trust me, I will. Yeah… Anyway. Will I end up like my mom? With the one I, uh, _like a lot slash love?_

Or will I have to get married (ick, just thinking about it makes me nauseous) to Jake? Like… stay with him for the-

I just realised something.

I'm going to live forever.

And Jake probably can, if he wants to.

…

And my vampire (secret love) is immortal as well.

Aww, _snap._


	3. Breaking rules 3, 4 & 5

Yep, it's me.

Why I keep telling myself 'it's me again' is beyond me. I mean, I _know _it's me. Or am I really me? How do I know I'm me? Why am I thinking about-

I HATE YOU UNCLE JASPER. YOU AND YOUR PHILOSPHICAL *^%$#!

Jokes, I love you.

Yeah, it was Uncle-niece bonding time today. Might as well say something about it, 'cause it was actually pretty cool.

Uncle Jas took me to an _awesome _theme park. The place where we live (secret) is seriously cloudy, so no problems with the whole sparkly thing he has going on. Sparkly? Me? I look as if someone's playing around with broken stage lighting that barely works when the sun shines. Which isn't very attractive. Occasionally, I feel like posting a picture on the internet saying 'Am I pretty?' When you're around inhumanely beautiful parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents all the time, you're going to need some ego boost.

Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like if I was a full vampire. It's solve a _lot _of problems. Including the imprinting thing. Grandpa Carlisle told me it was possible, but there was no way in hell that Jake would let me be one. There he goes again, unknowingly stopping me from doing something.

There _I _go again, complaining about my _best friend._

Break the habit, Ness, break the habit!

'Cause if I'm going to be… _married _to him… I might as well start getting used to his overbearingness. It feels wrong, though. Like I'm resigning myself to not-loving him and marrying him. It doesn't feel right.

If I can't even love him, then marrying him and being with him forever is the least I can do.

I guess.

And about my vampire person… I don't think that we can be together. I mean, I don't go for unrealistic love. A werewolf imprinted on me, it isn't his fault that he loves me unconditionally while I love someone else. It's _my _fault.

Why can't I love him back?!

Jeez, Ness. You mess up at everything. You mess up with Jake, you mess up with being a vamp, you mess up at love.

GAAAHHH!

I'm not going to wish I'm a normal person, because I don't want to be. I love Grandma and Granddad, all my uncles and aunties, my mom, my dad for all their vampire-y stuff and everything. I can't imagine them as humans, ever.

It's just wrong.

Jake immediately forgave me for the punching-him-in-the-face thing when I snuggled up to him. He kissed me again and I smiled. But I felt so empty- not like when my vampire kisses me. When my vampire kisses me, I feel like I want _more _from him, like I have this burning _**NEED **_to be by his side all the time.

I've fallen in love with the **wrong **person.

Life really isn't perfect when a werewolf loves a half-vamp and the half-vamp loves a vamp.

…

I'm going to work on a guide, because this is just so god damn confusing. Like I said before, every person who's been imprinted on should have some sort of guide on how to handle the imprinter. I know I need one. So… might as well start writing one?

**Nessie's guide on being an imprint-ee**

**1. The imprintee gets to choose.**

God knows, I didn't. I find it kind of unfair. Why does **everyone **assume I'll fall in love with a guy that loved my mom who fell in love with me at first sight like some kind of twisted _freakin' fairytale_?! I don't like fairytales. Or all those cliched stories. They say bad stuff about vamps sometimes, even if it is true. But they don't apply to **_US, _**the kick-ass Cullen clan! Nu-uh. No way. Going back to the topic...

I **want **to choose. I _want _to choose who I get to spend the rest of my eternity with. But I don't have a choice.

**2. The imprintee's family has absolutely **_**zilch **_**to do with the relationship.**

I WISH. Since the day I was born, I was supposed to love Jake because, guess what? MY PARENTS TOLD ME TO. No, they didn't actually say 'Hey kid. If you love Jake, that'd be great, okay?' They didn't say that. (Thank God.) But I distinctly remember my mom crooning "Oh Nessykinners, isn't it so _perfect? _You and Jake are going to fall in love when you grow older and soon Jake will truly be part of the family."

Perfect vampire memory, remember?

I've read romance novels where parents object to the relationship because:

a] The guy is bad and evil  
b] They want the girl to marry another guy

Which kind of sucks, because it's a mixture of both.

This is the 21st century! What happened to equal rights? Or don't they apply to half-vamps?

**3. Don't fall in love with someone else.**

Having broken the rule myself, I know it's not good. Just… don't. Whoever you love, forget him or her. Your life is all tied up and packaged when you get imprinted on. Oh, did I mention you have **absolutely zero say **in the matter, even though it's about you?

Jeez, I sound so bitter.

I **am **bitter.

… Why did a werewolf have to imprint on me? Jake has to go ruin everything. He almost ruined the thing between Momma and Dad, and now he's finished haunting Momma, he's haunting me and stopping me from seeing my vampire.

OH GOD DISREGARD WHAT I TYPED IT IS SO WRONG. And I really don't want to delete everything, 'cause I don't want to break my promise to myself. (Read: That I'll not delete anything and type what I truly feel.)

I feel so, so bad. He's my future husband for the love of God! I'm supposed to love and cherish him for what he is (overbearing werewolf) instead of what I want him to be. (sexy vampire)

I'm a horrible person.

Oh wait, I have another rule.

**4. Don't hit the guy who imprinted on you**

'Cause literally it hurts them more than it hurts you. And if punching a werewolf in the jaw hurts a little when you're a half vamp, it'll hurt a _lot _if you're human. My mom broke her hand. But I've been told it's not cool. Imagine having someone you love and trust… like your mom hitting you.

Then multiply the hurtful feelings and betrayal by a thousand.

… Yeah.

That bad.

**5. Don't fall in love with a vampire**

Werewolves and vamps don't mix, period. For the health, safety and sanity of everyone around you, you should tend to avoid them. Because your imprinter will go batshit insane if a single 'cold one' that's unfamiliar comes near you. Especially if your imprinter has bad experiences with one in the past…

…

Jake once loved my mom, even if he claims he didn't. I know he did. And he lost her to a vampire. (Dad) If _I _go rampaging around with a vampire too, I know he'll lose his mind.

I've just noticed that I've written down all the rules I've broken. I SUCK AT BEING AN IMPRINTEE! Maybe Jake should sack me or something. Or is the imprinting thing for life…?

… Heh.

Once you love someone, you can't just _un_love them and transfer the love to someone else. Dad told me about vampires _imprinting _in a sort of way to choose their mates. And I hate to say this but…

I think I imprinted on my vampire.

… Which kind of interferes with my plans. (Read: Marrying Jake and staying with him for the rest of my life. Which is a long time.) So… What the hell do I do? Work with me, brain.

Tell me- what should I do?

* * *


	4. Help me

**A/N: Here's chapter 4. Bold _fixed. _It was hurting my eyes. **

* * *

Who else but me!

I'm so so so in _love. _It's so selfish and I _mustn't _because I'm breaking all my rules, but I love him so _much_. When I'm with him, rules, responsibility and _Jake _just go flying out the window. I've never wanted to be with someone **so much**. I _know _he loves me back. We've never openly discussed it for fear of being discovered, but some things are so… **obvious **that they don't even need to be said.

He's like a _drug_ to me- I'm addicted and there's no way in hell that I can stop. Not for Jake, not for anyone. But when the high wears off and he's gone, all the guilt comes rushing back. Every time he kisses me, it's like tasting a piece of heaven all the way down here in hell.

I'm meant for _Jake_, not him.

I sound like a blabbering school girl, so I'm going to shut up now.

… Yeah.

Anyway, it was a sunny day today, so none of us went to school. They tried to make me go when it first happened, but they gave up. Fear the power of the Nessie puppy-dog eyes! (Patented, naturally) Jake took me out to do more exploring (We didn't really get the chance. This place is way too overcast.) and for some… alone time.

We ran (he in wolf form, me just being me) for about ten minutes before stopping for a moment. Then he blindfolded me.

Yes, he **blindfolded **me. I hate feeling vulnerable, but I went through with it anyway without moaning. Part of my campaign to be a less whiny little imprint. Or at the very least, be a better best friend.

Then he led me to somewhere and when he took the blindfold off… It was _perfect. _There is no other word to describe it. The sun shining down through the trees on the _sea _of bluebells, the towering old oak trees…

Two words came to mind: Enchanted wood.

I felt like I was tainting it when I waded through the beautiful flowers. This place was meant for love and perfectness, but me? I wasn't in love, and I wasn't perfect. I felt so, so bad. Jake must have spent _hours _searching for this place, and while he was gone, I had spent hours with my vampire. (And so much happier for it.)

I'm a traitor.

He led me to a patch of grass left untouched by the bluebells and we sat down, just staring at the canopy of the trees. We just sat there. Him staring at me, me staring at the flowers.

And then he broke the silence, and said something along the lines of "Ness, you've been so distant lately…"

I didn't really mean to but I started panicking. And I was pretty sure he heard my heartbeat increasing, 'cause he grabbed my hand. It felt weird, like he was too anxious and hurried. I didn't really know what to say so I pretty much just replied with an "I'm so confused about you and me."

It was completely true, but it was about the _**dumbest **_thing I could have said in that situation, 'cause he started smiling and talking about stuff I didn't want to hear or remember. Then, he started talking about imprinting which made it even worse. I'll just type down a little list of it.

**Feelings of being an imprinter**

**It's like your life doesn't matter, it only revolves around one single person: the imprinted.  
****There is nothing else worth living for except the imprintee.  
****Tied together forever  
****Would kill anyone who came near the imprintee with less than honourable intentions **(crap)**  
****Died inside when imprintee cried.  
****Is willing to do **_**anything **_**for the imprintee **(even leave me…?)

To sum it all up: I realise I'm in deeeeeep trouble. What is wrong with my heart? What is wrong with _me? _I'm like this freak of nature who can't love the person that's _perfect,_ like, the one who should be the other half of my soul! But it isn't him.

Oh my god, I'm so sorry Jake. What have I done? Jake has no choice but to love me, but I can choose. And my heart has chosen (my brain had no say, or it would've been him) and well…

My love life is seriously screwed up.

**Rule 5: Love the imprinter. Love the imprinter. Love the-**

I can't go on like this, playing with Jake like this.

…

AN-Y-WAY.

DISREGARDING THE EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN I HAVE UP THERE, LET'S TALK ABOUT NORMAL STUFF.

Like blood ice cream.

Oh yeah, continuing from the blindfolding-paradise place, he took me back when the sun was setting. I was pretty cut up inside and I think he noticed it, 'cause he nudged me with his nose (wolf form RULES!) and puppy dog eye-d me.

Adorable hysteria ensues.

When I got back, Mom had another talk with me. NO, not the perverted _The _(with a capital T) Talk, but equally as serious and less embarrassing.

I'm just going to type down what my handy-dandy forget-nothing brain remembers. (Every word)

'Nessie, I'm very happy that Jake showed you that place.' I was wondering how the _heck _she knew about it when she continued. 'Jake discussed everything with your father and I,' because Dad is such a control freak (… oops!) 'and it's so much like our meadow…'

I was pretty much tuning her out at that time, but I managed to get the general gist: Jake is lovely and I must get together with him. I just kept nodding. What the heck was I supposed to say? Sorry mom, but I'm in love with another guy that just so happens to be a vampire that all of you don't like very much. In fact, you might just disown me... No, just no. That'd be suicidal.

Jake isn't _forcing _me to love him, but with Momma and Dad and Aunt Alice and even my _conscience _on my case, it's not going to be long before I resign myself to living a lie.


	5. Touch the sun

Guess who.

Me, of course! I'd be really worried if it was someone else writing in this word document, because that would mean someone else had actually _read_ what I've written.

And that would be really terrible.

Especially when I've written all this horrible stuff about how I'm trying to fall in love with Jake (as hard as I can, but it's still not working) and babbling on about the vampire I love. Yeah, I love him. I'm alright with the fact I love him now, sort of resigned to it really.

I AM SO TIRED OF EVERYTHING

I love Jake, I really do, but he doesn't get that I really, really don't like his surprise hugs or surprise kisses or surprise anythings because it's _weird_ to do that with your best friend. Sometimes, out of the corner of my eye, I can see my vampire's smile fall into a snarl when he does that. And it hurts me because I know that I'm making him unhappy- making them both unhappy.

Yeah well let's switch the subject because this is getting really uncomfortable for me to type about.

Today was another sunny day! I told dad that there wasn't much point for me to go to school when none of them were going, because it wasn't as if I had any friends to spend it with anymore. 'Cause y'know, everyone's so scared of our family. There wasn't even anyone I could talk with to do some good old PR for the Cullen family.

He looked sad, and I still don't really understand why. Dad can get so moody sometimes, and I can't tell why 'cos I'm not a mind-reader like he is (I've got the opposite power, haaa).

Jake had to hang out with his pack today, because they were missing their alpha. He asked me if I wanted to come, and I said no because I felt like I'd be intruding into their super special private pack moment. And hung out with my vampire instead!

We went to the woods, but we didn't go to the bluebell meadow. Instead, we found the tallest tree in the entire wood and climbed all the way up, until it felt that I could touch the blue sky and the sun and if I opened my mouth, I could eat the cotton-wool clouds. It was perfect.

We talked a lot about a lot of things. I talked about how this, _us_, could never ever ever _ever_ happen, and he talked about how he would make it happen.

"It would require a little bravery on both our parts."

That's what he told me when he first began to talk about his Plan. A Plan that was so utterly _insane_ that maybe it was close to being brilliant. It would work, except that I could never bring myself to leave Grandad, Grandma, all my Aunts and Uncles and definitely not Momma or Dad. And Jake. If I left Jake, he would die. And that would kill me.

I told him that I was sorry, and he said that it was alright, because we couldn't help who we fell in love with. And I could tell that he felt sorry for me more than he felt sorry for himself, because I loved someone so unnatural and different, so alien to our family. And I asked him if maybe he could stop loving me.

"I could no more stop loving you than I could stop existing."

And he laughed and told me that my heart was beating so hard that it was fit to burst. I love him when he laughs. I told him that I couldn't stop loving him either. He told me he was glad of it, though he was sorry that it made me sad.

I think today was the best today I've ever had.

Jake came back from his alpha's day out and went out searching for me in the woods, and my vampire and I only jumped off the tree in time. He wasn't happy when he saw me and my vampire together. He demanded to know why I was with him, and I said that we were hunting together. He said, rather nastily, not _his_ type of hunting he hoped. I glared at him and stormed off, because that was simply unnecessary. He sort of ruined it, to tell the truth.

He ran after me and said that he was sorry, but I was so super _angry_ that I knew that if I spoke to him, I might say stuff I didn't really mean and be sorry for it later. So I just didn't say anything.

Momma just came into my room (thank God for ALT-TAB) and we had a long talk about Jake. The problem with talking was that everyone could hear exactly what we were talking about, so Momma wrote and I projected words back at her.

This was how it sort of went, abbreviated (because otherwise it'd take like twenty minutes to type out everything):

Momma: Jake is really, really upset and sorry about what happened today.

Me: So am I. Why isn't he here to tell me that?

Momma: He's scared that you're still angry at him. He's apologised already to- _you know_.

Me: Can you tell him to come up later, please?

Momma: Of course, sweetheart.

Then I smelt the wonderful and delicious scent of _BLOODICECREAM._ That conversation ended quickly. I'm going to grab the yummy blood ice cream right now- I'll write more after I'm done!

And I thought of this just right now (maybe the fragrance of blood ice cream inspired me?):

**Rule 6: Don't hang around with another guy when your imprinter is gone. Especially if he's a vampire.**

Jake is adorably sad after I ignored him, but I'll talk more about that later. Blood ice cream now, typing after.

* * *

A/N: It's been a really long while. Everything will be rolling by the next chapter, and that's a promise. ;)


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